Genius

Watch to the end.



"....on normal roads, they're all just pointlessly huge, stupid cars, driven by mainly dicks".

Wood pigeons

I hate wood pigeons. I know we are taught to love all of God's creation, but it's bloody hard to when you've been out the night before, had a few Peronis and are woken at the crack of dawn by "hooooo, hooooo. Hoo". This is happening to me almost every morning now. What can I do? Shall I obtain a bird of prey to sort them all out? I'd probably get into trouble if I gunned them all down off the top of the chimney stacks. That probably wouldn't go down too tell at work either. Maybe this is my comeuppance for not acquiescing to the chugger's invitation on my doorstep yesterday. Just back from holiday, trying to sort some things out in the office at the top of the house. "Ding dong" goes the bell. Then "tap, tap, tap". Ooh, must be something important, I thought. Down I go, it's the gas man wanting to read the meter. He does, he goes. Back up to the office. "Ding dong". "Tap tap tap". Down I go. It's the electricity lady - she wants to read the meter. She does, she goes. Back to the office. "Ding dong". "Tap tap tap". What is it now? I don't have a water meter, so what's so frigging important now? "Hello, I'm from the RSPB. Have you ever heard of us?" On she goes about the wonderful work they do and how my neighbours are all contributing to the cause - yeah right, I seriously doubt that. I say I'm not interested and off she goes. Maybe if I had thought about it a bit better yesterday, I could have used the wood pigeons as an excuse. I could have said I hate birds, certainly these ones and I wouldn't miss them at all if they didn't happen to be around to wake me up every morning. I could have ended it by saying I'll spend what I would have donated on a big gun to shoot the fuckers out of the sky. What a nice young man I am.

The Man In Black

Last night, just as we were about to watch Have I Got News For You, a trailer for the other side announced 'Johnny Cash Night' on BBC4. We've never watched anything on BBC4 (with the exception of Life on Mars). So, since we love Johnny Cash's music ("Rose of My Heart" was the music for our first dance at our wedding), we thought we'd give it a go. We had already seen "Walk the Line" with the marvellous Joaquin Phoenix as the big man, so we had some idea about his life. This documentary, however, went past the point where he married June Carter and covered his later years working with Rick Rubin. Truly a man so talented, he invented himself, and reinvented himself again and again. Astonishing also was the collaboration with Rubin - the man responsible for Def Jam Records and so influential in hip hop music - an odd combination. But just listen to the American Recordings albums. In my view, they are Johnny Cash's best work. It was touching to learn of his relationship with June Carter - rarely apart from when they first met, Cash died within four months of her death. The documentary featured Cash's version of "Hurt", and it was interesting to see his surviving family speak about the video. It really is a very sad thing to watch. Have a look for yourself on YouTube.

Hot cakes

A discussion at work the other day reminded me about this excellent sketch.



Big Train was excellent. Anyone remember the World Staring Championship?

Use of the word 'intense'

I don't watch too much TV if I can help it. In some pain this evening so I am in front of the box. Forgettable individuals are using various words to describe the product. Some silly cow is on the same advert grinning at the camera saying 'intense'. It's a sodding pringle. If the best way you can describe a crisp is as 'intense', you need to get a life.

Slice and dice?

Well, I went to see the consultant yesterday and I was in there for about 45 minutes. We had a long chat, a thoroughly interesting look at my scan images and an exam. Result: 2 bulging discs and a whole lot of pain. But I already knew that. Marginal loss of endurance in my right side/leg. I didn't know that. Options? Carry on as I am or have surgery are pretty much the choices on the table. Might make it better, might stay the same or might make it worse. Great.

The news as it should be

This is fantastic. You must read it daily to keep up to speed on what's really going on in the world instead of the watered down version you get from the BBC and the like.

A couple of my particular favourites are:

Glass of piss reaches £75 on eBay

People who know how to fucking park on brink of extinction