Wood pigeons

I hate wood pigeons. I know we are taught to love all of God's creation, but it's bloody hard to when you've been out the night before, had a few Peronis and are woken at the crack of dawn by "hooooo, hooooo. Hoo". This is happening to me almost every morning now. What can I do? Shall I obtain a bird of prey to sort them all out? I'd probably get into trouble if I gunned them all down off the top of the chimney stacks. That probably wouldn't go down too tell at work either. Maybe this is my comeuppance for not acquiescing to the chugger's invitation on my doorstep yesterday. Just back from holiday, trying to sort some things out in the office at the top of the house. "Ding dong" goes the bell. Then "tap, tap, tap". Ooh, must be something important, I thought. Down I go, it's the gas man wanting to read the meter. He does, he goes. Back up to the office. "Ding dong". "Tap tap tap". Down I go. It's the electricity lady - she wants to read the meter. She does, she goes. Back to the office. "Ding dong". "Tap tap tap". What is it now? I don't have a water meter, so what's so frigging important now? "Hello, I'm from the RSPB. Have you ever heard of us?" On she goes about the wonderful work they do and how my neighbours are all contributing to the cause - yeah right, I seriously doubt that. I say I'm not interested and off she goes. Maybe if I had thought about it a bit better yesterday, I could have used the wood pigeons as an excuse. I could have said I hate birds, certainly these ones and I wouldn't miss them at all if they didn't happen to be around to wake me up every morning. I could have ended it by saying I'll spend what I would have donated on a big gun to shoot the fuckers out of the sky. What a nice young man I am.